reality bites

It is inevitable, that as you grow older, your tastes tend to differ. Your sentiments acute, your faculties broadens, your reverie--well different. I think everyone has a certain visionary; how you'd picture yourself, twenty years down the road and how the ever-changing prospects would fit you. And would you be comfortable then, or would have prefered a life that is rather not how you are in.

More often than not, I have always caught myself reflecting on my past deeds and well, whether my character has been kind to the world. And I would always wonder whether I could work on a paragon model that I have conjured up, a person with; benign demure, quiet and dignified poise, docile, sensible, alert, unpretentious and loving. Such ambitious picture I would dare to sketch for myself, yet so hard to adhere, ie. probably because, by nature I would be nothing but almost the paramount opposites of all the merit points I wished to be.

In fact, it is detrimental for one to work towards that far-fetched dream. Because I yearn to reach my goal--the reasons I dare not yet leak, it is vital, that I keep it reserved till the right time. It is yet to come. And the miracle is yet to happen.

I will be frank, my most greatest fear is of being hurt; I cannot bear a mental pain, that of which being unseen is more vexing than a physical cut. May it be, from a family relations or my dear friends. Yet, by the by, I have been much sore by the latter. If by human pride, I would have shun them. But that is for pagans. I, who am learned, schooled for 13 years and counting, cannot react to such perverse deeds.

Yet, it is such an amazement to me, how these contemporaries of my calibre; could ever be guilty of such deceits. I bear no ill to them. That has been my virtue; to have that permanent space between me and non-kindred spirits. Humans err, a saying goes, to forgive divine.

Yet, Im not one to beheld a masquerade. Rather, I wished so hard, not to come across that certain malice. Though, the consolation has always been gratifying. It has always confirmed my presumed judgement of a person, though i shunned to the fact, reality bites.

Truly, deceit comes in all forms, and i will still stand behind my loved ones, supporting and cherishing them--and friends, not caring their vice and virtue, to be treated, with cordial dispositions. :)